saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
