If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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