He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
