If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
