I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
