Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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