Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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