Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
