Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
