I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
