I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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