Umm I'm too high to move.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Panties = found
Randomize
