just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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