I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
