if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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