C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
