so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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