Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
