So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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