So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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