Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
