So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
nutella sex= disaster
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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