Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
