im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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