WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
