you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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