im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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