no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
