im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
