its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
