They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
