i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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