Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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