why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
