Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
