I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
