if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
