Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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