wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
