Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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