i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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