did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
