Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
