if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
