so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
