I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
