my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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