3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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