I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
