She said her name was "party"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
